The Tite Kubo Experience
by Panda-Angel-Wings
Summary: Wanted to delve into the mind of our-if I do say so myself- favorite troll lord? Wanted to know why IchiRuki and IchiHime haven't happen? Wanted to know what REALLY happened in Aizen's chambers when Orihime was invited to Hueco Mundo? Well, you're in luck. Because I, Tite Kubo, will answer all that your foolish mortal minds cannot comprehend. [Crack. Read with that risk]
1. Love, Your Trolling Mangaka

**Thank you Sariniste for the idea! Check out her story, "Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors"**

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**Dear Bleachers,**

Yes, I called you Bleachers. Not the metal equipment people sit on, but I'm pretty sure you could be one of those tools since I have sat on you numerous times with my constant IchiRuki/IchiHime hints. In fact, I am quite appalled that you were able to withstand against my epic power to confuse your minds into an endless blander.

And so I sit on my large crimson chair, pondering on what I am saying. As it is, I have no idea what I am saying to you. All I know is that I am communicating you with a thesaurus in one hand and another in my English-Japanese dictionary. Never mind about that. I'm quite sure this'll go through the Google Translate I have set up in one of my many desktop computers.

My secret to confusion? Be like Aizen. As in make everything unpredictable.

Unlike Aizen who is extremely gifted in things like this, I use my gift to make others await more, but then I change the concept entirely.

Look behind you. In that empty room you sit in, do you feel the eyes of something watching you? The blare of the lights from your window is probably the one thing you see through the corner of your eyes…but wait. What is that shadow?

If you turned around and saw nothing behind you, then my point is proven. What did I do?

I am well aware this is called "trolling." Then again, more than half of you do the same thing! While I was talking to my dog the other day, I had mentioned how hard it is to thoroughly finish a story! It takes a lot of patience, and then again, I have none. Will this guy die? Will this guy live? If I chose the wrong thing, I'll lose all my readers and then I'll be all depressed again and doing "stuff."

My solution: Troll you all.

Every since I was a child, I learned the art of trolling.

In preschool I had always trolled the sensei by pretending to not do my work, but I did my work but then never finished it. Why? Because I got lazy and didn't know how to do it anymore! On my exams, I never finished the reading component of it. Why? Because it did not have any plot twists to it! When my dog died soon after I talked to it, I never gave it a funeral—the empty ditch in the yard is still half full. Why? Because looking up how to give your dog a funeral is too troublesome.

Letes stop focusing on me—lets go to you:

Did you know that your phone you put on the desk next to you is missing?

You probably checked it right now.

Did you know that you lost that paper you had to get signed by your parents?

You probably searched through your bag now.

Guess who's kid our local hime is having!

…did you guess? And no it's not Kenpachis.

You see, I'm kind of like a psychic. The only difference is, I use my trolling skills to confuse you.

Before you begin to ask any questions, I must clarify one thing—there was more happening in Aizen's quarters when Inoue went in there alone, but it was too crude to draw I refused to do so—I do not find any pleasure in drawing such insane things. Do not ask me! I will get very angry like Ryuujen Jakkah was in that filler arc and kill you!

I know ALL. I see ALL. And if I don't, I make it up!

Love, your trolling mangaka,

_ Tite Kubo _

**_•Writing Tip #1: Give hints, but don't reveal so early in the story….or in my case, never reveal•_**

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**Honestly, I think I was high whole I wrote this. Did I make a good Tite Kubo? I don't know if I fooled you but I feeeel like he's actually say this O_O **

**If you people want to submit in questions to "Kubo" please feel free to make use of the abandoned review box below ↓**

**Love and Panda Turkey, **

**Sabby-sama the Panda Empress**

**PS-Laiba, the other owner of Panda-Angel-Wings, approves of this story ;D **


	2. Love, Your Modeling Mangaka

**Dear Bleachers,**

The other day, I had received a reply from one of my devoted fans. Although he disguised his love for me with these words which signified those of a troll, I respond to his letter with as much vigor and enthusiasm and trolling for the replies to come.

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_Dear "Kubo",__  
__Sadly, your psychic powers are failing you. For you see it is night where am so there is no glare coming from my window. I did not check for my phone for it is still in my line of sight. And I did not lose the signed paper, I "lost it". On purpose.__  
__Now while you are freaking out from your loss of power I feel it is an appropriate time to tell you I know exactly what you have planned for Uryu Ishida in the upcoming chapters. But I will not tell you for you should already know. But truly you are taking a very cruel route.__  
__Now before I go I feel I should warn you of the pickpocket at you school and the answer for question number 4 on your next quiz is C. __  
__Good luck.__Sincerely, Moon's last stand._

Well, Bleachers, I assure you that all our dear friend Moon has said was a lie.

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For one thing, Moon-kun, I am actually not a psychic. I am merely an extremely observant and intelligent being who has the ability to read emotions and the auras around me. Yes, you may call that an Aizen, but honestly I believe it is called a troll. In simpler words:

**Handsome Author of Bleach (me) =Troll=Aizen**

Yes, yes, I know its troubling to believe that my awesome body and soul is actually that of Aizen. He is indeed as handsome as I am. But that's another important thing: make your characters resemble YOU. Take Gin for example. He was actually modeled from that dog I had (the one who didn't get a proper funeral) because he never opened his eyes and was always smiling a creepy way. Think of him at the smile dog gif. You know, the one of of the dog with the bloody hands and human smile? That's how I got my dog—no one wanted it because they died when they look at him. Gin though, actually could see just like my dog perfectly fine, but after I saw how my dog interacted with the other canines who live in our neighborhood, I noticed that indeed, that dog was one damn creep.

And that is how Gin was born.

But that's not important, is it? Now, about the darkness. Why did you chose to leave out the traffic light that shines through your window? Your curtains were obviously parted, and I have heard that you Americans always have traffic lights no matter what time of day. Alas, the global warming threat becomes more and more apparent because of that usage. Before I continue, let me take the time to turn off my kitchen faucet. It has been on since the day the previous letter was sent to my honored fans, the _Bleachers. _No worries. However, back to your light, Moon. You have made false accusations when YOU have been wrong. Tell me why I should not send you to Hell for this. And I'm talking about the Hell in that god-awful movie that was made. Honestly, tentacles are _so_ overrated. And they still make a bad statement on my troll-worthy name!

Your paper, though, had been caught on the wind while you gazed at it with awe, and was probably sent to place Kariya Jin was sent after that disappointing filler arc. Which means obilivion. However you should be glad, because your wrinkled grandmother would have stared at it with scorn and might have given you her classic peanut butter, steak, and liver juice for the next three weeks. Inoue style. Which is quite a disappointment really. I had actually intended Orhime to be that woman who was in that McDonalds I had worked in, the bubbly one with the endowed bosom. But honestly! In the end she kept on going, "Kurosaki-kun! Kurosaki-kun!" and I was about to kill her off when I heard this whisper come from the loud TV blaring the week after I met my former-co worker while I cried over losing my job for eating all the fries. It said, "IchiHime." At first I knew it was a mistake—it _was_ a crappy name, but then I realized that HALF MY FAN BASE WAS ICHIHIME!

Besides, who wouldn't want a young, healthy teenager like Kurosaki Ichigo with a girl with all the broads a man can imagine?

And thus, Orihime was created.

Uryu Ishida was once someone who everyone trusted. Before, when I began to troll people through my manga, I had made it so Ishida would come to gain the trust of even the readers, and then BAM! He turns out to be the enemy. I did get quite a lot of hate mail, but I DID promise to make a choice between the IchiRuki and IchiHime ship.

Moon-kohai, I do not go to school. School is for a bunch of mindless untrolling beings who do not know anything about the art of the troll. When I was forced to go to school back in my years with the extremely young, beautiful beings known as dragons (or is it dine-uh-soar? It makes no sense), my sensei had me expelled for trolling him with my tests, writing, reading, and even my speech. Once, in my arithmetic class, my sensei asked me, "What is 1+1?" I responded, "If you need a window, feel free to jump out of that one" and I had pointed to the window which was open to the rear of his bald self. I actually modeled Omaeda Marechiyo after him because of slow ways. Since he did not understand, I shall enlighten you and tell you that the simple truth is that 1+1 when combined resembles that of a window. In other words, the window which you failed to see has the traffic light come in. You see, Moon, people who go to school are meant to be brainwashed so they do not indulge themselves in the ways of the troll, which is actually a fruitful way of life. Therefore, I will not have to take any exams which require American letters, and nor do I need the luck for my trolling life.

My fellow Bleachers, let this reply to the reply to the letter be an example of how I will respond to your demands.

And Moon, when you find out that the scar on you back has now started to act up due to the infection which entered your body because of the vacation you took to Panama, please make sure to go to the New York Bellvue Hospital. I have heard they have a worth treatment for everything.

Love, your modeling mangaka,

_Tite Kubo_

•_**Writing Tip #2- Use real people for original characters. That way, you make them less perfect (but don't use me—Aizen was PERFECT because I am PERFECT)•**_

**PS-**I am aware I did not reveal Urahara's sword's father. Poor Benihime. I doubt she knows too. I'm sure Aizen knows...

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**I am well aware I was high in writing this too. Tell me, Moon's last stand, did Kubo make a worthy attempt to counter you? LOL I'm pretty sure you'll troll him back afterwards. And to all my readers, whether you be a registed reader or a guest, feel free to make a response like Moon's last chance did! It was quite brave of him to go against "Kubo." If you have trouble asking him questions...**

***HINT HINT* The next letter MIGHT be about the ships! So go, and take the time to review in that box below ↓**

**Love and Panda Truffles,**

**Sabby-sama the Panda Eater**


	3. Love, Your Romantic Mangaka

**Happy Thanksgiving/ Black Friday! **

**Speaking of Black Friday...I need to put up a Black Friday chap for SoulShots O_O **

**And did anyone read the Beelzebub chapter that came out today? I LOVE Beelzebub but now I feel sad :'( I DONT WANT IT TO END! If you haven't read and would like to read it, please go to mangahere . com and the said manga is currently the 3rd most popular. ALSO! Does anyone read SkipBeat? Did chapyer 206 come out yet? If you know, please tell me. I can't read Japanese -.- **

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**Dear Bleachers,**

Alas, it has been another lovely day. While I sat in my chair in front of one of my 100 mirrors in my lovely room, gazing my perfect appearance, I realized that one of my not-as-lovely fans had sent me a reply. Here is what our dear friend,** WarriorofAnime**, had said:

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_Dear Kubo,_

_Why are some of your female characters so inappropriately dressed, and must you make their bosom size that big? I know it's too late to change it, but why didn't you try being unique and making them look like normal women?__Also, will Rukia obtain bankai in this arc?_

_Sincerely, __Jaay-Chan_

Again, what is with you people wanting me to reveal all my secrets? Which I assure you, are many.

* * *

Well, Jaay-chan, I wondered why you had brought up the woman I draw. For one thing, could it be that you are jealous of them and are yearning to know their secrets? Well, in that case I must assure that all of the, are naturally made with no additional changes. If you are suffering from a case of young adolescent hormones, then I advice you to take a good look at them and decide whether or not they are worth it. I am proud at how real they look—they are three dimensial women but I must admit they sure as hell look lovely in every way. Real women suck. They all left me, the handsomest man alive, just because I trolled them too much. I can't help it. Just like Matsumoto said in her hit song, "We are who we are." Anyway, I created these perfect women by meeting up with the master of Fan Service himself, Hiro Mashima. He learned the art of troll from me and he taught me the secret to creating perfect women that will, sadly, never exist. But despite Matsumoto, Orihime, and Nel being around Ichigo all the time, he doesn't pursue any of them. Many fans send me letters about how Ichigo has a bunch of fangirls and he doesn't even notice them, so that makes him gay. You foolish yaoi loving women. Ichigo is not gay. He is simply the Friend-Zoning Master. Not going out with girls who fangirl over you doesn't make you gay, it makes you a friend zoner. I feel bad for Orihime so I gave her a fantasy where Ichigo invites her into his house. Aren't I so nice? Orihime and the other women in Bleach, perfect or not, shall forever be friend zoned by Ichigo.

Now, as for why I make it, as you phrased, "inappropriately dressed," well, it all comes done to one thing: fan service. Honestly, _onna_, how do expect me to make the multiple amount of male readers satisfied from this? This is a _shounen_, which literally means, _man._ Wait, that's not right….I meant young male. Blasted things, Google Translate is. Now where was I? Oh, and not only do I need to satisfy my male readers, I also need to have an excuse to look at the, er, real models. For example, when I modeled Matsumoto, I took a gander at the number of girls which passed by on their way to school. I began to draw them, but I felt….how would you say it….unsatisfied. I tried to make certain parts bigger and bigger but it just wouldn't work! When I went to find a new job (having been fired from the last one for trolling my boss into looking for the pizza in the bathroom when in fact it was in the printer with the chips and cookies I hid from him), I had realized that I could _hire_ someone to be models. There were many benefits in hiring them, but the most important one (at least here) is that I was able to make the perfect Matsumoto! Orihime though…like I said, that beauty in my ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex work space was the model for that. That is why, Jaay-san, I do not make normal women. However I consider Rukia, Nemu, Tatsuki, and Yachiru to be normal women. Although I must admit, making them with decency is quite….enjoyable.

I will not reveal my secrets to you. If you buy the next magazine featuring my work I assure you that not only will you contribute to my bank account, but you will make all your Bleach-deprived friends proud! The other day I was speaking to my new goldfish (they cost 10 for 5 ¥!) and I asked him, "Why is that no women with big bosoms come to me?" And it answered, "Well, my handsome genius of a master, they do not go to you because they think you have your own models who you use! Why else?" I knew my fish was right. But how I enjoyed my dear drawings!

Speaking of my past love life, I honestly have to complain that you crazy fans send me too many letters for making "IchiRuki," "IchiHime," and "IchiAizen" to happen. For one thing, I had many dilemmas with this entire experience. I originally had shipped IchiHime, but then I realized that half my fan base wanted IchiRuki. The other half wanted IchiAizen, which is actually my secret OTP, but never will I let make that happen in my manga. If I do, the sales will plummet and I'll depressed and poor with millions and millions of dollars heaped around me and my small home. For example, when I was searching for the being that would serve Aizen (aka me) and be a loyal but emotionless servant, I was at a crossroads. I had attempted to make the other perfect being so I used my mother...that cold hearted wench made the perfect Hispanic sword. Not only was she as perfect as me, it was marred by the fact that she was also the one who always saw through my trolling. This itself is an amazing feat, even when I told her I had ate her favorite coffee cake, but she knew I had shoved it done our long-dead cat's throat. Well, I decided to name him Ulquiorra because honestly, doesn't that sound cool? Besides its so hard to remember…..but it sounds quite attractive. Of course, for a laugh I decided to make it so Ulquiorra would become closer and closer to my favorite physical masterpiece, Orihime, and then what did I do? _I made Ichigo kill him_. Yes, yes, it was quite heartless on my part but wasn't it funny? _Because they would never end up together anyway._ And it was then that I realized what I shipped.

Cargo. I had shipped cargo.

Indeed, this is the ultimate shipping ever made. Marvel over the genius of this shipping. With_out_ handling at that too. When I shipped my first million coppies of the first volume of Bleach I felt so happy and proud, that I actually went and ordered a few of those models I was speaking of before. And then I realized my new love and occupation.

Cargo. Those words sound like a Souls' scream while a Hollow eats them. In other words, it sounds like heaven.

I must confess something. I never liked Ichigo. The main character was supposed to be Aizen *cough cough me cough cough* This is why. At a certain point in my life when my 13th consecutive girlfriend left me because I didn't give Orihime to actually kiss Ichigo when he was sleeping, like a stalker -well I made her seem like a stalker- I realized I hated Ichigo. This was the root of all my problems and I realized later my fame as well. I was contemplating whether or not to kill off Ichigo during the fight with Grimmjow, Nnoitra and Ulquiorra. That is why, my naïve readers, Ichigo turned Visored/Hollow/Arrancar/Vasto Lorde. Truth be told, I made that up last minute. Ichigo was supposed to die there, and the story was supposed to pick up with Aizen as the main character. Who wouldn't want an overly handsome trolling Shinigami with awesome hair to be their world conquerer? Apparently my ex-girlfriend didn't want that. So I had to make Orihime annoy the crap out of Ichigo and bring him back from the dead as a Visored/Hollow/Arrancar/Vasto Lorde thing. I was originally going to have Rukia slap/kick/abuse him back to life while Ishida called him names, but it didn't really fit. The other reason why I don't like Ichigo is because of his hair. It's unnaturally orange. Orihime doesn't have orange hair, it's actually Caramel Brown. There's a big difference. Ichigo's hair though, was a complete accident. It was supposed be bright purple, but my niece colored it Orange with her brand new crayons. It was a horrifying experience. From then on I hate drawing color pages with Ichigo. My first masterpiece was ruined and now I need Orange hi-lighters. Do you know how expensive hi-lighters are in Japan? Especially the exact shade of Ichigo's hair. It's the most expensive, even if I am sleeping in a bed of money.

Talking about Ichigo leads me to the other main character, Rukia. I can't say if she has reached Bankai yet, because I didn't make that up yet, I mean I don't want to spoil the surprise. But Rukia is also a friend Zoner. Every time the IchiRuki fans see an intimate moment between them, Rukia plays the Friend Card. Like in Episode 342, Ichigo and Rukia are together and she gives him a Nakama speech. Who does that sound like? No not Rukia, you idiots, I mean you amazing readers whom I love to exploit. She starts to sound like Natsu who we all know loves to give the nakama speeches. That was also part of my secret exchange with Hiro Mashima. If you didn't realize by now, Rukia was a member of Fairy Tail before she died. Master Mavis rubbed off on her quite a bit. Oh, and I guess Zeref helped too.

From Rukia let's move to Grimmjow. First of all, is he the blue haired one? Wait no that's Ulquiorra. After I Googled it.. Where was I? Oh yeah, Grimmjow. Everyone wants me to bring him back. I already did! Do you even read the manga? Do I draw all day and night for nothing? Or if you can't do that at least Wikipedia it! I can't wrote the same thing three million times, my delicate hand will get injured and then there will never be anymore Bleach. Ever. So stop asking me that. On the topic of my epic creation of Grimmjow, Ichigo is shipped with everybody from Rukia to Orihime to Byakuya to Aizen to Grimmjow. People asked if I shipped GrimmIchi even before the Arrancar Entry Arc. Grimmjow was in your heads before I, your beautiful mangaka, drew him.

Well, Jaay-san, I hope I answered your question. I must get going now—I had found a new victim—I mean a new girlfriend and I must get going to her now. I'm taking her out to McDonalds, and I reserved a booth. First dates are supposed to be amazing right? She will be amazed by my brilliance and handsomeness.

And you say I'm a troll. In fact, I am not the true troll here. I am just the open troll. The real trolls are the ones inside us.

Love, your romantic mangaka,

_Tite Kubo_

•**Writing Tip #3-Always satisfy your readers. No matter what you do, let that be your focus•**

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**OKAI! New rule: If you are the first one to reply to a Kubo letter, you shall get a chapter. If you reply but aren't the first one, then here's what happens: **

**•You get a cookie  
•You get a panda  
•You get another panda**

**Good deal? I thought it was good :D You can never have too many pandas. Oh, and the replyers who make it to the next chapter get a panda and a cookie too! So please, make use of the review box below ↓ **

**Love and Panda Turkey, **

**Sabby-sama the Panda Warrior**


	4. Love, Your Intimidating Mangaka

**No offense intended! Again, this is all for amusemnet and entertainment! **

**Besides, I have nothing better to do than make fun of Tite Kubo. **

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**Dear Bleachers,**

I wonder why does one as beautiful as your favorite mangaka have to reply to all these menacing and annoying letters? Then again, I am not one to complain. But I shall remind you all that this may be part of my _plan._ Well, then. Let's see what our dear KazumaKaname has to say.

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_Dear Kubo_

_If you really are all powerful then how come you're bent to the will of character popularity polls and that's why so many characters never died.__We both know that the power of a god is nothing when compared to the nerdrage of fanboys and fangirls ragequitting your manga!_

_-KazumaKaname_

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Must I remind you that the people who die, die according to my grand plans? Many people haven't died because I have made the readers believe they are good people! Yamamoto died. Gin died. Byakuya almost died. Ulquiorra died. Although, his death as tied to my mother, who resembles him greatly. Starrk died. Kariya Jin died. Wait he's a filler he doesn't count. See? I made many people die. Gin and Szayelapparo (you know the pink haired wannabe Care Bear) were extremely popular, and many people did ragequit my saga then. Although, Aizen is too perfect to die. Remember **Writing Tip #3?** If you have forgot, I advise you to take only 3 seconds away from your limited mortal time and please go back to that letter prior to this one.

It is all in your wording. If the words don't make it interesting, then the plot does. Technically, when you claim to stop reading the story, you end up reading to the end because you just _have _to know what happens next.

Do you know who you remind me of, Kaname-san?

The other day, while I was playing Club Penguin, I asked my pink penguin girlfriend (who was, of course, the most prettiest and richest penguin in the game), "Why must people come to me for wanting a certain person in my manga killed? Why should they wonder why I make some people die and others alive?" She asked me, blinking her beautiful green virtual eyes, "Manga?" I answered. "Yes. I am actually Tite Kubo. I write Bleach." Of course, next thing I knew there was this big scandal involving me and a penguin. In fact, it was so bad the entire case was made classified and in the end I broke up with my penguin. Indeed, that was not an experience I was willing to have again, so I got off of Club penguin.

And that is how I met Minecraft.

We had a beautiful love that lasted for 11 days. More than any other relationship I've had. I had thought that Steve was the one for me, which is why I created Mystogan. Wait that belongs to Fairy Tail. No, that is how I created Mayuri. They both have the same poker face and the block like expression. Now, I know I said I wanted Ichigo with Aizen but in reality I only wanted Mayuri with Aizen because their black and whiteness match perfectly.

Wait. Why am I discussing romance with you? I thought that discussion was over. Silly Kaname-chan. Making me talk about the same thing again.

As for the, how do you say it? "Rage quitting," well, I must admit that my previous fans did NOT abandon my story for finding something more spectacular—in fact, this was all part of my plan. I make others distress over my epic saga so much they give up on this story, but in the end all my little minions come back to me. Take last night as an example. I had walked into Payless near that Ramen stand outside my house and I had trolled the store owner into giving me 69 pairs of shoes for free. You might be wondering why I wanted so many shoes. However, that is a story that will be explained in the Shaving in Soul Society Arc. Well, after I trolled that poor mortal into submission, I saw the most beautiful thing on earth—

Haha. Like I would tell you what it is. And no it wasn't a violin. In fact, it resembled a

Again, I shall not reveal to you what this beauty was. Indeed, it was amazing. Now, to answer your question about ragequitting, those "nerds" as you say, cannot comprehend and understand my perfection. In fact, my cousin's mother's son's uncles' fathers' panda's daughter had sadly destroyed the first copy of my manga in anger because he was ashamed the lead character had such obscene highlighter orange hair. After flipping through many pages and looking at me with expressions of rage, she ate it.

Or maybe she was looking for a bamboo alternative. But my, those pandas sure have strong jaws. I nearly destroyed that new orange highlighter Michael Jackson shoes I had gotten. My, how much I loved Michael Jackson. I always wondered why a Mexican country singer with blond hair would create a line of badminton-only shoes.

Basically, I'm trying to say that rage quitting occurs when the heart and mind cannot comprehend what is begin said. Scientists in the _Trolling Academy of Excellence_ have said continuously how nerdquitting happens only when bewilderment crosses the poor victim—I mean person. Ragequitters are actually following my story just like a closet otaku does. No, they're not looking at hentai alternatives. They're actually buying my books and giving me so much money that even Kuchiki Byakuya would be jealous. And it's hard to make him jealous. I should know. I created him. Well, ragequitters adore my story more than regular fans. However, Bleach has unfortunately become very mainstream and to some overrated. They say they hate it, but they actually really like. I bet most of my Twitter followers are ragequitters who continuously look back at my story.

Besides, didn't Urahara Kisuke say that, "The more you like something, the more you say I hate it." Wait. Now that I think about it, this can question Ishida Uryuus relationship with Ichigo. Of course, Ishida was supposed to be a girl, but then I got him mixed up with Haribel. Or wait was that Grimmjow? You may be wondering why Grimmjow, but sewing looks too manly for Haribel, and Grimmjow shares a passion for it! Many of you don't know but Keigo actually likes Chad. Remember how they went on that date? Wait that was filler never mind. But honestly, I ship it. #Dontjudge (yes, I have discovered instagram)

Intimidating the reader is quite a marvelous thing. Especially if you can make them as insane as I am when I take the medicine I had bought from that car dealer when I write my manga.

Alas, Christmas has finally come. I think it's time to take down the pink and red Valentine's Day decoration. My girlfriend of 1 weeks had put those up, back in July 2009.

Love, your intimidating mangaka,

_Tite Kubo_

•_**Writing Tip #4: Intimidate your readers into submission•**_

* * *

**How was Otaku Day? For all of you who don't know, Otaku Day was on Sunday, December 15! I did nothing...homework took up my time. **

**And finally I was able update! I was high and bored and I'm having writers block . So I spent my time listening to the Neighborhood and Linkin Park and other death metal stuff. You know, Sweater Weather, Afraid, Rap God, and the like. I honestly was bored. But now I'm not! Again, if you review, only the first review to the chapter gets answered. All other people get pandas. And alot of them. And cookies. **

**Love and Panda Stockings,**

**Sabby-sama the Panda Earless. **


	5. Love, Your Texting Mangaka

**Dear Bleachers,**

And so, another installment of "Kubo Texts!" I hope you are enjoying the story, my dear Bleachers. And**_ ,_** I know I have to yet answer your post, but this seems more appropriate than annoying replies which may destroy the wonder glow on my skin. Yes, I use L'oreal, but that is not the point. It was my fish's mother's dolphin's ogre's rap god which inspired me to write this. And no, I don't mean Eminem, that Indian folk artist, but I mean Beetohoven who's raps have inspired me greatly.

* * *

-Ichigo has come online-

-Rukia has come online-

Ichigo: Russia, y df do I hav to text with ur brother Yakutsk?

Rukia: Who? I don't think Russia would take his precious time to talk to you, Chicago.

Ichigo: I meant Rukia. And your brother Byakuya

Ichigo: Why is the autocorrect working again? I though Aizen disabled it!

Rukia: And you trust him?

Rukia:...

Rukia: HOLY **** WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOISE?

Rukia:...CHICAGO! HELP!

Ichigo: Russia?

Ichigo: God, I mean Rukia*

Ichigo: Are you ok? Rukia? RUKIA?

-Rukia has gone offline-

Ichigo: RUKIA! HANG IN THERE, I"M COMING!

-Ishida has come online-

Ichigo: OMG! Echidna, you bastard, Rukia's in trouble!

Ichigo: Imma go to Uraharas so we can contact Byakuya, wanna come along?

Ichigo:...

Ichigo: Wait you're at your dads stupid dinner party right? How long are you gonna listen to the old bloke snore?

Ishida: Kurosaki Ichigo.

Ichigo: Whats with the full name?

Ishida: I have come here to remind you my son is on a plane to Guam

Ichigo: WHAT? Wait SON? DANISH HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPING AROUND?

Ichigo: Ishida*

Ishida: and he will never affilate with the likes of Shinigami, like you, again

Ichigo: Haha Ishida...the jokes...not funny

Ishida: ...

Ichigo: ...ISHIDA?

Ichigo:...What is that sound?

Ichigo: I see a blue light...

-Ichigo has gone offline-

-Ishida has gone offline-

-Aizen has come online-

Aizen:...did you get that Kubo?

-Tite Kubo has disabled spymode-

Tite Kubo: Yes, Aizen. It is all going according to PLAN

-Urahara has come online-

Urahara: Aizen, how are you talking to Tite Kubo if you are indeed the same person?

Aizen:...

Tite Kubo:...

Urahara: Haha yes I know you are the same person

Tite Kubo: It is I who has made you, Urahara Kisser

Tite Kubo: Kisuke*

Urahara: O_O I'm sure my Mom and Dad made me

Tite Kubo: Well, that is not true since the readers have not met your parents yet

Urahara: And did they meet yours?

Aizen: *sigh*

Tite Kubo:...

Urahara: Hey...why do I feel so...

Urahara: OMG WHAT THE HELL KUBO? WHY DO YOU NEED TO-

-Urahara has gone offline-

-Tite Kubo has gone offline-

-Aizen resumes to spymode-

-Renji has come online-

Renji: Uh...guys? Where are you? Chicago sent me a text saying ur here

Renji: O_O WHO THE HELL IS CHICAGO? I meant Ichigo

Renji: ...he texted me 10 minutes ago...

Renji: Guys?

-Renji has gone offline-

Aizen: :D

* * *

Indeed, this is perfection. A new year has arrived and I shall troll with my heart's content. I know you shall expect my amazing saga more and more, my dear Bleachers, and I might even add a new character- his name is Elmo and hes red and furry and 4 years old! My, I do love my original characters.

Love, your texting mangaka,

_Tite Kubo_

* * *

**Guys, I got bored so I made this and then Laiba, the other person who owns the account, was all like, "OMG PUT THIS IN TKE!" and I'm all like, "Sure why not?" and I thought I'd troll you some more! Putting a chapter not relating to anything is totally a Kubo move, but I couldn't help myself. If you have any questions, just PM me. Again, first review to this chapter is replied, others get pandas!**

**Happy New Year, and I hope we can enjoy more of TKE and the Bleach manga in the coming year! **

**Love, **

**Sabby-sama the Panda Empress**


	6. Love, Your Majestic Mangaka

**Dear Bleachers,**

My boredom exceeds no limits today. If I could be a panda, I would be a panda. Named Ulquiorra. I know my amazing readers want to talk to me but I can't handwrite/handtype letters to all of you. If I did, no Bleach manga would come out.

And here is another bastar—I mean Bleacher with a new letter:

* * *

Dear Kubo Tite (without the sama again),  
I am terribly curious. And interested. Can you teach me how to on the spy mode? If you teach me, I'll say "As I expected...". If you do not, I'll say "It's all according to the plan..." And if you answer anything else, I'll say "So predictable...". What will you do? :D The auto correct happens to me too, and it happened to oh-so perfect Aizen and Kubo Tite, therefore... YOU'RE NOT PERFECT! I wish you a happy new year, and I received the pandas. Though I'd rather go to China and see a real one (that was just an excuse to go travel), and I ship Aizen/Byakuya. Shall I start promoting my favorite fanfictions or not? Let me tell you, the Fanfiction author of the fanfiction that inspired you to write this fanfiction (are you following? If you're not, then you're not perfect) ships them too. :P  
Happy New Year, my dear trolling mangaka. I wish you a new year of trolling.  
I have an idea for your next chapter, though. Why don't you make a Kubo Tite New Year Resolution? :D  
Your in-the-path-to-trolling reader,  
LeAwesomeOne IX

* * *

Speaking of which, my New Year's Resolution was mailed to me by Santa. I had to contact him from the basement he was locked in. I suppose he asked Shihion Yoruichi for more cookies than usual, and I am positive Kisuke Urahara drugged Yumichika's ferret which actually belonged to Starrk who was really Hiyori's grandfather's art dealer. I have been talking to this man who I must say is one of the greatest trolls I have ever met. Besides myself and Aizen but we are the same person. To teach people how to troll takes time skill and money, lots and lots of money, which I'm afraid I have none of.

But Santa's list told me to "quit writing." I am bored with Bleach, Aizen is not there anymore, so I am running out of trollers. I might have to create some new ones, which brings me to my next point. I might even make Shiba Kukaku's butler's son as the next troll, much like Abarai Renji. That blue haired monkey is indeed one of the worst trolls. Of course, no one realized because he intended everyone to think he isn't a troll when in fact he is a troll but not succumbing in the actions of a troll but I assure you he is only 15 levels away from Aizen's trollmaster abilities. You see I might have to quit Bleach because, I have been offered to adopt a young troller-in-session. In the midst of my New Year celebrations, I have realized to start making more money, I need to tutor young padawans, such as Shinji, in the art of trolling. If I have taught someone how to troll magnificently, it is Shinji's sword Sake-End. **LeAwesomeOneIX** you can sign up by filling out an application at this website: . That goes for anyone else interested in the art of trolling.

Speaking of Aizen, LeAwsomeOneIX has brought to my attention that Aizen was based off of me. That is a troll as well. You all might think that I am Aizen however Aizen is me, so in reality, I am Aizen and Aizen is I. We are one and the same. It is like in Hisagi's new song, The Chicken or the Egg. Which came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken is the egg and the egg is the chicken that is how Aizen and I are. We are the Eggs. We cannot be chickens because everybody knows that chickens are not trollers and when has Aizen trolled you? Always, so Aizen is not a chicken. He knew he was going to be locked up deep inside the maggots nest. I have said too much so I will leave off with this, Aizen is not actually in jail.

LeAwesomeOneIX in her multiple letters has forcibly expressed her opinions, like my previous twenty five and a half girlfriends whom cannot be found in Space anymore. Awesome-chan says that she "ships" "Aizen/Byakuya" Who is Byakuya? Is he the one with long black hair with Haircurlers called Kensei Khan? Isn't he a panda? Byakuya is a rule following, noble, prissy, soft on the outside but hard in the inside person, no? I first met the model of Byakuya at a river bank. I needed a _change_ so I became friendly with this beautiful black and white creature. Over time, I found out that this gorgeous panda was actually heartbroken over the loss of his wife, Pandia-san. Oh, how he loved her. And the cherry blossom peas-I mean trees (Stupid Google translate!) which had already blossomed let its lovely pink feather like petals gracefully fall on our half eaten Subway sandwich. However, it was the panda who had realized that one of the petals was NOT a sakura petal, but a Apple tree petal. My, I wasn't able to keep my horror in and I instantly fainted the way only a lady of the evening could. Then, the apple tree petal flew out of his furry manly hands and….fell into the Yogurty. I screamed bloody murder at this, and then realized that if I had not been saved by Panda-sama, I would have died of apple-flower-in-Kanzaki-Yogurty, a rare disease with has infiltrated Ishiyama High in my manga. Wait. That is Beelzebub, not Bleach. But my, isn't Hilda quite a broad? Anyway, I decided to make that incident into Shūkei: Hakuteiken, Byakuya's special attack involving spinning ramen noodles. He is Asian but he is white and he wears black. It is a simple rule of Algebra, which I passed with an F+ in elementary school, that Asian+Black+White=Panda. Just like Troll+Handsome+Money=Aizen. I ship only cargo so I'm not trolling when I say that Aizen/Byakuya is my new cargo ship name. I have to transport some wom- I mean people from Hueco Mundo to Sereitei.

Byakuya is one of my most complex characters as he is also a master troller in disguise. Remember how I've explained who the real trollers are? They are the ones who hide their trolling abilities, like Mayuri. He is indeed an evil, creepy scientist thing. Byakuya is my best creation, because as we all know Aizen is me, so obviously Aizen is a model of perfection like moi, but Byakuya, that panda is something special. He wanted to kill Rukia, and he did hurt Ichigo the one he knew would come to save her, but in the end, he trolled the readers into thinking he was bad when he was indeed trying to save her from the clutches of Aizen but silly Byakushie. Everything anybody does is predetermined by Aizen, so he knew Byakuya was 'good' all along.

Are you doubting me now Awesome-chan? You said "The auto correct happens to me too, and it happened to oh-so-perfect Aizen and Kubo Tite, therefore... YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!" How do you I am not perfect? Why must I repeat myself thousands of times over? Now I know why my heartless mother felt. I suppose I should thank you for showing me the light, but then again, I knew you were going to tell me before you did. Auto correct was my creation. Ask the maker of Apples yourself. I'm sure Billy Gates would like to talk to you. I have created the ultimate weapon of DESTRUCTION, known to most as 'Auto-Correct'. This device is hated by many simply because it is a weapon of mass trolling. But it can disguise your true words, making it a great secret code used between the strongest army in the world, the Vandenreich. Why else do you think that nobody knew that the Quincy were still alive? You say that auto correct happens to you also, well of course it does. It has infected every computer, tablet and phone is the world. Of course there is an off button but most people don't know this. It is actually located in an extremely complicated place known as the  
Of course, I will not tell you! That messes up all the fun, which I have earned from my days lounging on the couch while eating those salt fried bread like foods, which Muggles claim are "chips."

The world is full of disbelievers, but you must strive to show everybody the light, the society of light. I will convert the world from liars to trollers. Together, we trollers can make the world a better place.

Love your majestic mangaka,

_Tite Kubo_

_**•Writing Tip #6: Make your stories come to life•**_

* * *

**AUTHORSNOTE:**

**This is the first time I wrote one of these 99% without Sabrina, the others were by her. I probably won't do another one of these. I think it's not as good as Sabby's but hey, I tried. Don't forget to review for a chance to have Tite Kubo: Master of Troll write back to you.**

**-AngelofDarkus**


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